I forgot to wear my ring today. I don’t usually take it off, but I was feeling fat. So I pulled it off and placed it on the skin in the bathroom. I looked at where it typically sits. It was skinnier than the rest of my fingers. I felt better.
So I got ready for the day, forgetting to put it back on. As I was sitting in my car, driving to work, it hit me that I had forgotten to put it back on. I looked at my finger. It was no big deal. It was just a ring.
The shit was hitting the fan when I got there. My boss is crazy. She always does the worst possible thing in regards to her life. Her latest affair must have blown up in her face because she was being screamed at by her wife. I just made sure the door was shut, and sat down at my desk. I checked my e-mail. There were FIVE from her all from the time I shut to the door to the time I sat down.
I sighed to myself, and went into my bosses’ office. I got yelled at by both my boss and her wife. So, it was my fault my boss cheated? Whatever. After I got yelled out, I went back out to my desk and checked my messages. There were 2 messages for my boss from 2 different girls.
So, her work is weird. She’s the QueerFather. I know. It sounds like she works with or for the mob, but no. She’s a Jill of All Trades. She can do anything. Need a plumber? She can get one there within the hour. Having a spat with your lover? Come spend an hour in the QueerFather’s office. You’ll be on a second honey moon when you leave. Have anything you need taken care of? The QueerFather knows what to do. Just give us a call.
I’ve never needed anything from the QueerFather, but it’s always nice to know she’s in my corner. She found me a great apartment and hasn’t raised the rent in 2 years. We have simple rules. Her and I will never sleep together and I have to keep the girlfriends away from the wife. I did tell her, if her wife comes when I’m not here and answers when the girlfriend calls, it’s not my fault. She understood.
Finally the wife must have blown off enough steam so she left. I wanted to follow. Getting yelled at by her sort of ruins my life. I stayed though. I was just going to sit at my desk. Answer phone calls. Go home. That is what I wanted to do. That is not what happened.
The QueerFather came out to my desk. “I hate to tell you this, because you’ve been the best secretary I’ve ever had, but you’re fired.”
“You’re joking right?”
“No, I’m not. Please leave now.”
I grab my bag mutely, and put my jacket back on. I leave the office, mystified. What the fuck did I do? Then a strange thought hits me. Was it because I wasn’t wearing my ring? No, that’s just foolishness. But you bet your sweet ass as soon as I got home I put it back on vowing to never take it off. The next morning the QueerFather did call me back and tell me I wasn’t fired. She just had to lie to her wife for a day or so. I told her I’d be back after I took a week’s vacation. She was okay with that.